Interlude

Burning bridges

sobluishthing — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 16:00:36 +0000

In two weeks’ time this place has got to go. My habits need to be erased. But my scars will remain.

at times i let my mind wander

sobluishthing — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 04:54:33 +0000

once in a while, i let myself wonder ‘what would happen if i hadn’t let him go’.

it is times like this that i feel like wanting to have him around. but that will be absolutely selfish of me to do something like that. to keep him when i want and to push him away when i don’t. one thing’s for sure, he’s not family thus he never quite understand this attitude of mine. and i’ve tried that on him once, i knew he couldn’t take being taken and then thrown away.

and so i push him away. far far away. avoiding him.

just so that few years down the road…if he’s really meant to be, he will come back to me. if he doesn’t, then i know he’s never meant to be.

he’s almost the perfect guy. but a perfect guy can never be perfect until he’s being put to the test. like what’s said in the Holy book, how can a man claim to be pious and so certain to go to heaven if he’s not being tested by God? sorry…didn’t mean to insert something religious; just trying to make links to what i’ve learnt in life.

and so we chatted for a bit on msn the other day. he asked if i wanna hang out with the other guys(primary school mates). i said ok. ok for the sake of ok.

i think i’m running away. and i’m running away.

~huang hun.

ignorance

sobluishthing — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 10:40:48 +0000

i’ve come to a point where i can’t be bothered about school anymore and my grades are flushing down the…..drain? imagine getting a single digit mark and being the top from bottom of the class yet feeling nothing about it. amazing.

guess i really am trapped.

fucking hate it

sobluishthing — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 14:21:37 +0000

when someone pretends to know me inside out
you were with me for 5 months
God knows how much discomfort I felt when I was with you
you say that I’m trapping myself
hell yeah, if that’s exactly what I’m doing
that’s cuz you made me feel that I’m not ready for a relationship
with someone who thinks knows it all

I’m gonna say this once and for all
I don’t think I’m gonna mind if I don’t get married at the end of the day
if my stubbornness and independence gets in the way
I just don’t want a man who makes me feel weak and incapable
and I don’t want a man who just doesn’t understand me
but pretends to.
it’s like putting on a mask when there’s nothing to hide.

The novelty has worn off

sobluishthing — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 07:12:25 +0000

ive made the decision and i want to see how it’s gonna be like. don’t try to keep me any longer or i will hurt you or you will hurt me. in the end, the brutality will end all friendship. i am willing and ready to shoulder all the blame, so just do it. i know, i cannot comprehend your feelings for me. but that’s because i don’t believe in love and all the sweet things to it.

it’s either friendship or marriage. i will unlikely want it to be in between. and as of now, marriage is still a few years down the road. so friends we shall be. or not.

break up

sobluishthing — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 22:24:48 +0000

im not sure if this is the best place to write my feelings.

he’s leaving me to my own devices for now, requesting me not to see him until i’ve gathered my thoughts.

i don’t know what to do now that i have my freedom back.

i used to not be afraid of being a loner, and now i am?

so you’re leaving me afterall?

sobluishthing — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 13:12:15 +0000

just when i thought of loving you more,
you told your friend that you might be leaving
ok, for studies sake
never did you once tell me about it
i’m already a broken girl as it is
i’m not going to allow you to shatter me into pieces
if you think of leaving after all
tell it straight to my face
i need to know
because you’re just not ready
and so am i.

when longing bites

sobluishthing — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 09:13:39 +0000

there’s only you whom I need to be with.

When life rings me up..

sobluishthing — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 11:19:50 +0000

Hello. It’s been a very very long time since I wrote about my life. Well, here goes…

It is not official but a boy confessed to me.

I learnt that he likes me a lot. I like him too but I don’t think my feelings can match up to his right now.

Don’t get me wrong.

It’s just me who is unable to understand how people can feel in love constantly, 24/7. I, for one, can never imagine that. Sometimes I’m hot, sometimes I’m cold. And I’m just like that.

I’m still at the stage of psychoing myself to learn to like him more and make him a part of my life. Being single for 20 years and 4 months has made me comfortable with who I am but I guess it’s time for me to find the greater purpose in life, and that is to learn to sacrifice and make room for someone else.

I’m keeping my options open.

I’ve almost never set expectations in my life because I believe that life needs to be filled with pleasant surprises. And if things don’t go well, I know that life has got better plans for me. This I learnt after I got back my PSLE results. The same lesson resurfaced again when I got back my A level results.

So…if in case this relationship doesn’t work out, I know that life has got better things for me and I should not mull over it too much.

But in case he comes across this blog one day, he should know that he will be the first boy that I’ve ever dated.

p.s. I refer to him as a boy because he was my primary school friend and I always see him that way.

i’m afraid of living

sobluishthing — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 07:56:44 +0000

this place where i was born and grow up in
is no longer what it used to be

i fear for the safety of the people whom i greatly care

this world is crazy
and it will not get any better

but i shouldn’t despair
and i shouldn’t give up

have faith in God and trust in Him
and now that i’ve found someone,
i hope he can bring me to a place of peace and serenity.